fatherhood – Page 7 – My Outdoor Living Room

I’ve noticed recently that many stories and articles that I read in the news affect me differently than they used to. I know exactly why. Becoming a dad and knowing that I’m not at the back of the generational queue any more has left me very thoughtful about my boy’s world. I’ve always cared about the future – more the planet than society as a whole – but by having a physical being that I helped to create coming after me in the line has had a significant effect. I’m now a comma, not a full stop.

I do think a lot. I don’t take things at face value, and a lot of the time I have an opinion. Recently I’ve been accused of seeing the negatives in everything and it’s been intimated to me that I’m somehow grumpy most of the time. I don’t choose to be that way, it’s the price I pay for keeping up with the news and not burying my head in the sand and last week I found myself upset by a story the other day about how a toddler had been killed through a neighbour’s substance-fuelled act of irresponsibility. The story told how when the verdict was being read out in court, the father listened while holding one of his late son’s toys. It upset me quite deeply. This reaction of mine took me completely by surprise. I assume I put myself into his shoes momentarily.

I don’t mind these strange intrusions into my psyche – it’s a part of me I’ve never really heard or seen before. It’s another interesting clash of my life having to stand firm against some things that I don’t fully understand and yet allow other things, that I also don’t understand, change me.

Change. That’s an interesting word. An interesting concept. I’ve read it in philosophy books and seen it on endless internet-based imagery – the only constant is change – and change leads me nicely into the next bit of this cyber-monologue.

A couple of years ago, I sat pretty much in one of my favourite rivers. Yes I have favourite rivers. If pushed, I will reveal a top five. I don’t have a favourite TV programme or cider, but I do have a favourite river. I sat in the flow and felt the water running through my legs in a way the sea doesn’t. In a way the sea can’t. The sea isn’t as constant as a river – it just comes and goes like a fickle friend. A river works tirelessly until the end of time. Thoughts ran through my favourite Dennis Wilson songs and one of my favourite quotes from Wind in the Willows until I settled on a thought path. Fortunately I had my notebook so began to scribble thoughts that flowed very much like the river itself. It struck me how so much in life, and my life in particular, is akin to a river and as such can be understood that way. Source to the open sea and therefore eternity (and the unknown) and all that. My thoughts that day would be an article all on their own, so it’s probably best left to a short summary.

There will be an article following this at some point about my recent run to find the source of a local river so I’ll spare the details. However (spoiler alert), when I found the source, I felt strange. Overwhelmed by the amazement that this puddle effectively was a trickle that would eventually lead to a bigger river, then an even bigger river and then the sea. A colleague would say, “Dude, it’s only a puddle”, but it had me feeling amazed and emotional. It’s a seemingly insignificant river but to the life it flows through it is life. I thought of my son and thought of him as the river (don’t get the straight jacket yet). This silent trickle entering the world eventually becomes a deafening roar somewhere. It changes lives and should never be underestimated yet it should be feared and admired, respected and loved, full of life and mystery, rushing headlong to its eventual destiny.

I will take him there one day and see if he appreciates it like I do. I imagine he’ll jump in it, splash around and say, “Come on dad, let’s go”. If that’s the case then so be it.

The last words of this post I’ll leave to a quote from a Worcestershire boy like myself:

Then, as it was, then again it will be. Though the course may change sometimes, rivers always reach the sea.

Thanks for reading.

Life is a funny thing. I’ve always believed that every little thing happens for a reason. It’s not always obvious at the time but quite often it creates a chain reaction of events that leads to a more definite conclusion. My life has taken a few twists and turns and has been shaped by events and people and it’s funny how these things change you and how much you allow them to change you.

The biggest event that’s ever happened to me occurred five weeks ago. At a relatively later-than-expected stage of my life, I became a dad. This explains the relatively quiet activity on the writing and adventure front. I’ve still been getting out and doing bits but understandably scaled back over the last nine months or so, so I can be around if needed.

With the events that are shaping the world this year, events that I never thought I’d see, that were a antiquated thing of the past, have had me thinking from day one about what the future holds for my son. I soon realised that he, like me, will have no control over countries and world leaders, but it’s a concern all the same. I began to think of all the ways that I can steer his life in the best direction in order to ensure he has the best childhood and the tools to see him through his formative years and adulthood. I will lead him along the same path that has served me so well throughout my life, and that is the path that embraces nature, the outdoors and all things uncomplicated.

It’s the best I can do for him as a parent and even if, like many, he strays when he’s older, he can always return to the path when he’s ready. That’s effectively what’s happened to me over the years with hobbies that I involved myself in through my own dad and inevitably grew out of because they weren’t seen as trendy, and now I find myself drawn to them as clearly they made a lasting impression on me and it’s a link through to my uncomplicated and thoroughly magical childhood as well as my own dad.

My head these days is filled with the magic of watching my son develop every day and I feel the sometimes overwhelming wave of responsibility wash over me and pull me out to the sea of uncertainty but then I ground myself with the simple mantra that I know what I’m doing as I’ve got the blueprints that I’ve drawn myself with my own life and experiences. I know that his formative years will be full of days out, walks, nature immersion, laughter, music and unconditional love. I’m sure, like me, he’ll be grateful for it even if it is eventual, not immediate.

I look around me and see so many kids living a life that I don’t want for him. When he’s old enough to make his own life choices then so be it, but I definitely am not going to be a hands-off parent, just sticking him in front of a screen for hours a day or even hiding behind a screen myself so he feels second best. There are so many things that are damaging to ourselves and people around us that are accepted as normal. I always say that just because we can do something, it doesn’t mean that we should do it. 24-hour fast food restaurants for example. Is it healthy to have a burger and chips at 3am? Or as often as you like? No of course not and just because the opportunity exists, its not an endorsement for a healthy lifestyle. Mental health gets a lot of exposure these days and there’s advice everywhere about getting help, but it doesn’t tell you how to avoid the obvious traps in the first place. Prevention is better than a cure basically. How many more studies do I need to read about the overwhelming benefits of being outdoors, exercising, eating healthily versus the effect of blue light from screens, the anxiety brought on by social media, and the damaging nature of the everything-now expectation from media consumption? It’s a no-brainer to me really and this is what I intend to teach my son, that none of it is real. What’s real is true human interaction, filling your senses with touch and sound and being thoroughly present.

Going back to the point of everything happening for a reason, it feels like everything I have been through and have learnt is my experience in order to pass it on to him (and anyone else tuned in to listen). I have people in my life that have been lucky enough to have that available to them but have chosen the path of least resistance, which as we know, only leads one way. A quote from a famous song goes something like ‘be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it’ and it rings true here.

I’m looking forward to fulfilling my new purpose as for years it’s felt like I haven’t had one. Long days ahead learning from one another and teaching him things to give him the magic and wonder that I felt in my early years, and sometimes still do, especially now I have someone to experience it with.

In the meantime, if anyone has any advice or experiences they’d like to pass on, it would be gratefully received!